


Holy Shit, Batman

by thearrowavenger (DestielHasThePhoneBox)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Holy Musical B@man - Team StarKid
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 17:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHasThePhoneBox/pseuds/thearrowavenger
Summary: Tim Drake-Wayne goes back to school and what does he do? Write a musical about Batman.Or, an AU where Tim wrote Holy Musical B@man.





	Holy Shit, Batman

**Author's Note:**

> This was a completely silly idea I thought of with a friend. I did not use any of the names of the Starkid Production creators who really wrote Holy Musical B@man, because I didn't want to misrepresent any real person's character. However, all credit for the real musical should go to Starkid Productions! If you haven't seen the musical, go check it out! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL96B8289ADF77A8C4

They really hadn’t meant for it to go viral.

They honestly hadn’t meant for it to turn into anything aside from a silly school play. They’d practice for a semester, have the show once, and be done. It had really all started when Tim decided to tell his out of town classmates about some of the more hilarious Gotham gossip. The favorite of the rumors was the one about Bruce Wayne being Batman. The fact that Tim was Bruce’s son seemed to just add hilarity to it for his new friends.

Maria thought it would be funny to ask Tim about what he thought Bruce would be like as Batman. Tim was still stinging from Bruce essentially firing him from his position at Wayne Enterprises (Bruce said it was for his own good, that it wasn’t fair that he had had to drop out of high school – all Tim could think about what how eerily similar this felt to being fired from being Robin). It wasn’t too hard to let things spiral from there.

Before he knew it, he was giving Maria funny – and sometimes a little mean, he admits – answers to her questions about what Batman would be like if he were Bruce. And then she was writing things down and mentioning it to their other classmate, Ye-Jinn. And then they were writing a play and, well, Tim just thought it was all in good fun. He could finally relax for a little while, at least minutely, and focus on something that wasn’t life or death. It wasn’t even for a grade.

Of course, he knew that if Bruce ever found out, he would be pissed. The show wasn’t… well, as it shaped up into a show, it became clear that it wasn’t all that flattering on Bruce. That was the joke, which Bruce might be able to appreciate since the show made it clear that if Bruce were Batman, he would be terrible. Clearly Bruce Wayne wasn’t really Batman. Only then there were how many jokes the show made about Bruce’s dead parents. If Tim had been more interested in psychoanalyzing himself, he might think that all of the dead parent jokes were a way for himself to process the murder of his own parents. But he wasn’t, so he didn’t think about that. Much.

Anyway, it was all fun and games until Bruce found out.

\--

_Hey loser, what did you do to Bruce?_

Tim stared at Jason’s text for a solid minute, then looked back at the study guide he was trying to work through. Then he replied:

_What?_

Three dots appeared immediately, then disappeared. Then they were back again, just taunting Tim by sitting on the screen.

_Jason, what do you mean??_

The dots again disappeared and this time they stayed away, only to be replaced with an incoming phone call. He paused and then snapped his computer shut

“Tim, I know you did something,” Jason said by way of greeting.

“I didn’t do anything!” Tim replied, scowling at his closed computer. He really needed to get back to work if he had any hope of passing finals. It had been a hectic semester between classes, his work as Red Robin, and the musical, so he’d barely had time to study. He certainly hadn’t had time to talk to Bruce much, so he couldn’t think of what he could have done to anger Bruce.

“Yeah, well, that’s not what Dick and the twerp are saying,” Jason said, amusement rising in his voice. “But I didn’t stick around long enough to get a straight answer out of one of them.”

“Damian always thinks I’ve done something wrong,” Tim said, rolling his eyes, “and you know Dick does whatever his baby wants.”

He tried not to let too much bitterness into his voice, but he wasn’t too sure he succeeded when Jason started laughing.

“Yeah, well,” Jason said, laughter subsiding, “Babs mentioned something about it the last time I talked to her too.”

“Since when are you this social?” Tim asked, getting irritated. “And what did Barbara say? She’s not a gossip.”

“Yeah, no, she wouldn’t give away a thing,” Jason answered, soundly ignoring the first question. “She told me to ask you.”

“Well, I don’t know, Jason,” Tim told him, sighing. “And I have things to do. Call me back when you actually know something.”

He hung up before Jason could start complaining and then turned his phone off. He really needed to focus and anything urgent would go to his other communicator.

Three days and two finals later, he turned his phone back on, only to find that he had three-hundred text messages.

“What…” he breathed, staring at the messages and scrolling back. There were a lot of exclamation points and emojis, but it didn’t look like it was anything bad. Still, he didn’t usually get this many texts in just a few days.

He decided to skip down to Kon’s name, since he had sent 30 of the texts on his own. The first text did not inspire confidence.

_I stg it wasn’t me._

_Tim took a deep breath and then read on._

_Idk who put it online but I’ll hunt them down for you._

_Are you okay?_

_Tim man where are you?_

_Dude did he already get to you?_

_If Bruce kills you I promise I’ll avenge you_

_Tim_

_Tiiiiiiim_

The messages lost coherence from there, but Tim was already getting worried. He and Kon hadn’t ever taken pictures or taped themselves having sex, so he didn’t think it could be that. He was pretty sure.

Starting to really worry, he went to the next few messages, eyes getting wider as he read on. Duke had sent a few warning him that he might want to disappear for a few weeks. Damian had just sent him one text asking what he wanted written on his gravestone. A few were of Jason threatening him and then dissolving into a series of laughing faces. Steph had sent him a few texts to announce that she was proud of him, while Dick and Cass had both sent him a series of emojis that he wasn’t sure how to read.

The ones that finally explained things, however, were the messages in the group he had made with Ye-Jinn and Maria.

 _Omggg HMB has a 10k views!_ was the first one. He scrolled past the various texts of excitement to the next update.

_Holy shit its up to 500k_

Tim felt himself go cold when he got to the most recent.

_We hit a million views omfg!!!_

_Vicky Vale wants to interview us!_

_Omg Tim that guy from Channel 4 asked your dad abt the musical HE KNOWS._

“Oh shit,” Tim hissed, staring at his phone. He was going to have to send so many apology notes.


End file.
